'It just happened!'

Can that ever be true? Are we, as human beings, incapable of controlling our own behaviour? I know that many affairs start with the OW (or man - don't wish to be sexist!) oblivious to the fact that the wonderfully exciting new man in her life is married. But, To my shame, I was fully aware. He was honest with me from the very start. About that particular issue anyway (there were yet more truths to be revealed). Besides, at that point, I had a boyfriend... ok, fiancé, and we both thought 'It's just a bit of fun. Harmless flirting.' However, if we were honest with ourselves, it was more. As he said to me once, 'The spark was always there, from the very first word.' So, why didn't we walk away? Why didn't we look more closely at what we had to lose and admit that it just wasn't worth it? Rationality and responsibilty seems, for some, to fly out the window during an affair; it launches itself so fast and suddenly that it smashes everything in its path on its way.

I'll never forget the sentence that nudged us both over the line. We had only had email contact at this point, meeting on one of those social sites. Our emails had been provocative and very flirty; we were both skirting around the issue of actually taking it further, although any fool spying on our messages would have been able to see where it was heading, with quite some speed. Then, his line: 'I don't want to fuck up your life, or hurt your boyfriend, or fuck up mine or hurt my wife, but I want you...' I don't even remember my response, but I guess it's clear from my standpoint today that it wasn't, 'Don't be crazy, man! We should never go there!' My God, things would be very different if it had been!

Two weeks later we were embroiled in a hotel room...


Meg